Funny Short Jokes
Animal Joke
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Doctor Joke
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Farmer Joke
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
Mother Joke
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.
Dog Joke
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
School Joke
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Priest Joke
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”
Patient Joke
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.” Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?” Doctor: “Every two hours.”
Sleep Joke
Sleep with an open window tonight! 1400 mosquitoes like that. 420 mosquitoes commented on it. 210 mosquitoes shared this. One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitoes will be attending the event.
Alcohol Joke
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” - “Oh is she an alcoholic?” - “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
Navy Joke
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
Psychiatrist Joke
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!” Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“
Exercise Joke
Doctor: “Do you do sports?” Patient: “Does sex count?” Doctor: “Yes.” Patient: “Then no.”
Diet Joke
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser… What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!
Bullfight Joke
In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles. - One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?” - The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”
Prayer Joke
Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.
Salesman Joke
“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…” “Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”
Husband Wife Joke
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
Married Couple Joke
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Police man Joke
Police: “Open the door!” - Man: “I don’t want any balls!” - Police: “What? We don’t have any balls!” - Man: “I know.”
This is a post on most awesome funny short jokes in the entire universe.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Doctor Joke
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live." Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!" Doctor: "Nine."
Farmer Joke
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
Mother Joke
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother? My name is Paul.
Dog Joke
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
School Joke
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Priest Joke
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.”
Patient Joke
Doctor: “I’ve found a great new drug that can help you with your sleeping problem.” Patient: “Great, how often do I have to take it?” Doctor: “Every two hours.”
Sleep Joke
Sleep with an open window tonight! 1400 mosquitoes like that. 420 mosquitoes commented on it. 210 mosquitoes shared this. One mosquito invited for the event. 2800 mosquitoes will be attending the event.
Alcohol Joke
“My wife suffers from a drinking problem.” - “Oh is she an alcoholic?” - “No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers.”
Navy Joke
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay $855 to cover the loss. I’m starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship.
Psychiatrist Joke
A wife goes to consult a psychiatrist about her husband: “My husband is acting so weird. He drinks his morning coffee and then he goes and eats the mug! He only leaves the handle!” Psychiatrist: “Yes, that is weird. The handle is the best part.“
Exercise Joke
Doctor: “Do you do sports?” Patient: “Does sex count?” Doctor: “Yes.” Patient: “Then no.”
Diet Joke
Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser… What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!
Bullfight Joke
In Spain, there is a tradition after a bullfight to serve the mayor the bull’s testicles. - One day after a bullfight, the mayor asks the waiter: “Funny, why are they so small today?” - The waiter: “Today, sir, the bull won.”
Prayer Joke
Harry prays to God: Dear Lord, please make me win the lottery. The next day Harry begs the Lord again: Please make it so I win the lottery, Lord! The next day, Harry again prays: Please, please, dear Lord, make me win the lottery! Suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy a lottery ticket.
Salesman Joke
“You know how it is in life. One door closes – that means another door opens…” “Yeah, very nice, but you either fix that or I’m expecting a serious discount on that car!”
Husband Wife Joke
A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?” The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know that woman!”
Married Couple Joke
Me and my wife decided that we don't want to have children anymore. So anybody who wants one can leave us their phone number and address and we will bring you one.
Police man Joke
Police: “Open the door!” - Man: “I don’t want any balls!” - Police: “What? We don’t have any balls!” - Man: “I know.”
This is a post on most awesome funny short jokes in the entire universe.
Comments
Post a Comment